{"id":78,"date":"2025-06-09T08:44:54","date_gmt":"2025-06-09T08:44:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/brightamericanewsstore.com\/index.php\/2025\/06\/09\/thou-shalt-not-covet-thy-roommates-food-nicolesundays\/"},"modified":"2025-06-09T08:44:54","modified_gmt":"2025-06-09T08:44:54","slug":"thou-shalt-not-covet-thy-roommates-food-nicolesundays","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/brightamericanewsstore.com\/index.php\/2025\/06\/09\/thou-shalt-not-covet-thy-roommates-food-nicolesundays\/","title":{"rendered":"Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Roommate\u2019s Food \u2013 nicolesundays"},"content":{"rendered":"


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I\u2019m not religious, but even as a heathen there are still some commandments I observe. Thou shalt not commit murder, unless he was asking for it. Thou shalt Urban Dictionary slang before thou ask. And thou shalt not covet thy roommate\u2019s food.<\/p>\n

You see where this is going. During the two weeks my roommate was out of town, I ate the forbidden fruit, which in this case was 20 oz of his tortilla chips. (To be fair, he did say I was welcome to them, but to be fairer<\/em> I\u2019m sure he did not mean all 1.25 bags.)<\/p>\n

\"thou
I remember at some point in my life wondering what dark place one would have to be in to eat her roommate\u2019s food. Now I no longer have to imagine.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

One morning, I woke up to Michigan\u2019s first snow and made a beeline for the refrigerator. Not because I was hungry, but because food makes me feel safe. I found nothing appetizing, and no amount of shutting the door, lowering my expectations, and reopening the door would change that opinion.<\/p>\n

I looked back outside toward the grocery mart across our parking lot, and the blanket of white separating us only thickened.<\/p>\n

I wasn\u2019t going to starve on four fish filets, ten apples, and five avocados. Someone who once ate ten spoons of Nutella and called it a day was not above what I had in stock. Like MattressFirm, being snowed in was a sad and obvious front. We all know I started eyeing my roommate\u2019s 1.25 16oz bags of Trader Joe\u2019s Organic Blue Corn Tortilla Chips because I wanted to eat my feelings.<\/p>\n

\"eat<\/figure>\n

When I\u2019m feeling like trash, the last thing I want to do is eat food that makes me feel good. I want to wallow in the depths of self-pity and mild indigestion.<\/p>\n

Me<\/strong>: Don\u2019t do it don\u2019t do it don\u2019t do it<\/p>\n

\"eating<\/figure>\n
\"eat<\/figure>\n

I admit this is a mildly inaccurate reenactment of what actually happened. I didn\u2019t eat the chips in one sitting, which at first seems not as sad until you realize that means I had so many opportunities to stop actively eating my roommate\u2019s food. Regardless, both representations resulted in horrific, post-chip clarity.<\/p>\n

Me<\/strong>: oh GOD what have I done<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t have a car, so I opened my laptop and sought counsel from our corporate overlord, Amazon. I\u2019d figured these Trader Joe\u2019s branded chips wouldn\u2019t be easy to find, but I hadn\u2019t expected only one match\u2014a 2-pack for $19 when the originals cost $2.99 each. I felt guilty, but not that <\/em>guilty.<\/p>\n

After Instacart also proved unfruitful, I remembered I was not alone in the world and could phone a friend.<\/p>\n

\"phone<\/figure>\n

Me<\/strong>: Would you be able to take me to Trader Joe\u2019s? I ate too many of my roommate\u2019s tortilla chips and they\u2019re not sold elsewhere.<\/p>\n

Friend<\/strong>: LOL<\/p>\n

Me<\/strong>: Specifically, 1.25 bags.<\/p>\n

Me<\/strong>: Technically I ate them because I was snowed in but really I just ate them because I wanted to.<\/p>\n

Me<\/strong>: I don\u2019t even like tortilla chips.<\/p>\n

Politely sidestepping whatever verbal breakdown was emerging on my end, Friend laughed.<\/p>\n

Friend<\/strong>: You gotta eat three quarters of one now, or else he\u2019s gonna find out.<\/p>\n

Me<\/strong>: You\u2019re right. I don\u2019t make the rules.<\/p>\n

\"hatching<\/figure>\n

After Operation Trader Joe\u2019s, I put away most of one bag, replaced the chip clip, and slid the replacements above our fridge into their original positions. I did all this well before my unsuspecting roommate returned. He would never, ever find out, until I wrote a post about it.<\/p>\n

\u2014<\/p>\n

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Last post:\u00a0When Will My Mattress Return From War? | on moving to a new city<\/a><\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n